Happy Valentine's Day

I've been in one of those serious relationship thingies for a few years now, but before that, I can't help but recall being blindingly single for a good 21 years. (If you can believe anyone whose prose is as devilishly handsome as mine would ever fly solo.)

In grade school, we did what I have to assume is the standard valentine's day thing: everyone brought valentines for everyone else, and we walked around the room in a circle, putting the Batman valentine in one envelope, the Superman valentine in another envelope, tossing the Venom valentine in the class bully's envelope because he would feel a kind of kinship with a soul-sucking alien, keeping the Hulk valentine for myself because it looked so cool.

I got zero girlfriends out of this yearly ritual, (maybe because I was thinking of the process as "getting" a girlfriend, and I've since learned that ladies tend not to like getting gotten) and with every passing annum I grew a little more disillusioned with the day celebrating Saint Valentine.

But despite a general lack of interest in the holiday, I never reached that plateau of loathing that so many other folks seem to. I can actually remember the first time someone told me that they hate Valentine's Day, and I was so taken aback that I stammered "why?" Turns out he was not in immediate possession of a special someone. I told them I didn't either, but not to get any ideas.

But really, hating V-Day because you're single is like hating Easter because you're an Atheist. (The eggs are pretty, but they're really a lot of work. Just ask that Faberge dude.) Or like hating National Talk Like a Pirate Day because you're a Ninja. It just doesn't make a lot of sense. Wishing that other people didn't care because you don't care is really kind of a bad policy.

Valentine himself, by the way, was a pretty run-of-the-mill martyr, dating back to 280 BC or so. He restored sight to a blind girl right before being beheaded by the Roman Emperor Claudius. The whole "be my valentine" thing was invented by Chaucer (rhymes with saucer) presumably because he had been gifted a stack of tiny paper hearts by a lady he didn't like, and had concocted a plan to turn them into a much more attractive girlfriend.

Hmm, this is getting kind of long. I think I'll just wrap it up now.

So if you're alone today, (as I am - the lady friend is in San Francisco while I languish in LA) don't scowl at everyone who's smiling and burn holes in every paper heart you see. Be like Chaucer instead, and make up a story to get people to like you.

Err, or, just celebrate love and life and stuff. That's what the day's about.

-s