I didn't watch the Oscars, and I'm ok with that.
Call me old-fashioned, but awards ceremonies seem like the kind of thing that should only matter to those people who are potential winners of the award. It's something to look forward to, to aspire to. For the rest of us, it's really, really, ridiculously rich people patting each other on the back. Is that so important to you that you have to spend 4 hours watching it? I mean, it's no Lost marathon. It's not even a Dougie Howser marathon.
I'm an Eagle Scout. When I had my awards ceremony, meeting other new Eagle Scouts from around the state, I didn't expect to see anyone but other Scouts and their families. I didn't expect it to be televised (despite the fact that these people would likely be doctors, lawyers, and businessmen someday), and I didn't expect anyone to place bets on who would win the "best project of the year" award. That, to me, just seems a little silly.
That said, there are some nice headlines coming out of it all. For example, it seems that Martin Scorsese is finally being recognized for decades of great movies. It's about time. He should have won the year that Clint Eastwood won for Million Dollar Baby. I'm pretty sure that a one-armed doxen (weiner dog) with massive brain injuries could have won an award for a movie based on that screenplay. My God, it's perfect: the crux of the plot is a female Rocky who is senselessly, permanently, debilitatingly injured, and then killing herself! That, my friends, is the 3-ply of cinema.
-s
Monday, February 26, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
Remarkably Concise Criticism
I'm not a huge fan of the show The Office.
It's funny, I'll admit, but seriously people, the single camera concept only has one thing going for it: it's cheap. Am I the only one who's getting tired of shifting back and forth and zooming around? This is not edgy, chic camera direction, it is a lack of good camera direction.
Anyway, here's what got me on this topic:
I've got to agree with Dwight on this one. Battlestar Galactica is pretty 3-ply.
It's funny, I'll admit, but seriously people, the single camera concept only has one thing going for it: it's cheap. Am I the only one who's getting tired of shifting back and forth and zooming around? This is not edgy, chic camera direction, it is a lack of good camera direction.
Anyway, here's what got me on this topic:
I've got to agree with Dwight on this one. Battlestar Galactica is pretty 3-ply.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
I'm Pretty Freakin' Sick
I've been ill for 3.5 days now, and it's getting less and less fun by the day.
The worst part, though, is how stupid it's making me. I honestly couldn't add two numbers in my head now if my life depended on it. I've clicked on the link to my own blog 6 times so far today, and each time, I completely expected something to be there. So this is for next time. Next time, there will totally be a new post for me to read.
-s
The worst part, though, is how stupid it's making me. I honestly couldn't add two numbers in my head now if my life depended on it. I've clicked on the link to my own blog 6 times so far today, and each time, I completely expected something to be there. So this is for next time. Next time, there will totally be a new post for me to read.
-s
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
in case you were wondering
In case you were wondering what I look like.
This is much closer than anything I could ever draw for myself.
Although I should note that sometimes, I wear a hat.
images courtesy http://www.becomeanmm.com , which, disappointingly, does not actually turn you into chocolate.
-s
This is much closer than anything I could ever draw for myself.
Although I should note that sometimes, I wear a hat.
images courtesy http://www.becomeanmm.com , which, disappointingly, does not actually turn you into chocolate.
-s
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Metroid Prime 2 Echoes - Reviewed!!!
Now that I have a nintendo Wii, I'm going back and playing all the gamecube games I missed along the way. First up, Metroid Prime 2: Echoes.
Video game review:
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
You may have missed the after-credits shocker at the end of Metroid Prime, but nevertheless, if you played the first game, this disappointing sequel is your fault.
Because I don't like to lay into games right off the bat, let's start off with some things that I like about the game. It's still Samus, and Samus is still pretty darn cool. It's also still Metroid, and Metroid, despite having the kind of music that makes me want to curl up into the fetal position and cry, is pretty darn cool. Puzzle design: excellent. Art: completely sweet. Weapons: a little contrived, but honest to its predecessor and well executed. In fact, almost all of the things that earned Metroid Prime my "Greatest FPS of all Time" award are, in fact, in MP2:E. Which is why it is so painful to say that this sequel is not, at all, the greatest FPS sequel of all time.
That honor would have to go to Half Life 2, maybe Quake 2, maybe even Time Crisis 2. But now is not the time to be giving out awards to the heroes of bygone days (Hector would sweep the older brother awards); now is the time to severely critique the design of the game I am currently enduring the frustrations of.
Frustration 1: Difficulty. Difficulty in itself is not something to judge a game on. If it is too hard throughout, it's probably not designed for you. If it's too easy throughout, you are probably not the target audience. Difficulty deserves nothing more than a passing mention by a reviewer, used more to establish their own level of skill in case a reader wants to buy everything a reviewer likes/thinks is just right on the difficulty-meter.
But Echoes, oh Echoes. Echoes has badly designed difficulty. One of the first enemies that you meet in the game is the Lego version of the bugs from Starship Troopers. It is small, it is nearly unable to kill you. It takes 12 shots to kill.
TWELVE SHOTS.
This little bug thing takes almost as much damage as a metroid before breathing its last.
Also, every enemy has learned the magnificent skill of juking the z-targeting. So you get maybe 3 shots in before it's dodged to the left, and you're no longer locked onto it. Juking is not new to the genre. I firmly recall those big guys from Unreal dodging everything I shot at them. Heck, the Cyberdemon walked out of the way when I shot at him. That might have been random, but I missed a LOT. But you know what was different about those games? There was a way to MOVE SIDEWAYS.
There's a reason why the xbox and ps2 had 2 analog sticks. YOU NEED TWO STICKS TO AIM AT MOVING THINGS. Metroid Prime, realizing that it had but a single stick at its disposal, added the best part of the 3D Zelda games: Z-targeting. Echoes is the evil stepmother of Z-targeting, forcing it to clean the fireplace instead of going to the ball where it could make some handsome prince (me) very happy.
And I can guess why. It's right there on the main menu screen. Right next to options. It reads "Multiplayer." It is my firm belief that Metroid Prime didn't have multiplayer because of Z-targeting. Where's the fun or skill in clicking faster than your opponent? Echoes doesn't just make the enemies wise to z-targeting either. Targeting itself is ruined. You don't just have to be close to the enemy to lock on, you have to already be on it. And if you're off by the tiniest amount on the y-axis, hitting Z will just mess with your view, with no attempt at all to target something.
In Prime, I used to be able to walk into a room, hit Z and the fire button a bunch of times, and kill the shriekbats that flew from the ceiling. In Echoes, doing the same thing fires at the floor several times as shriekbats stab me in the face.
At least multiplayer will be skill-based. But I can't help but think that positioning and strategy would have made multiplayer fun even with z-targeting. Isn't the strategic element what makes rainbow six multiplayer, and gears of war multiplayer so much fun? Meh, I don't even know anymore.
But enough about that, here's the real problem: built-in-lag.
Who makes a game where the environment hurts you? Where you have to go stand in a certain spot for a minute and a half to regain your life after every 20-second fight?
And what the hell made them think that was a good thing to mix with loading-timed doors?
The doors in Prime were brilliant. There's no visible loading of new areas, because you have to wait for the doors to open. They don't open until the next room is loaded, but it's easy to believe that it's just an old door that needs to charge up some power to move (or something). I loved it.
But in echoes, while you're waiting, you're losing health. I literally DIED waiting for the door to open, because the door was around the corner from the nearest safe spot, and I didn't want to wait at the health spot, since I was returning to the light world anyway.
That probably made very little sense unless you've played the game.
Basically, if you loved Prime, and want to know what the hell was up with that hand thing, then you have to play Echoes. But it should have been called shadows, because it is a pale facsimile of Metroid Prime. Oh man that was clever, I love me.
Final Score: 2 plys.
Memorable quote: "I'm probably not going to finish this."
-s
Video game review:
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
You may have missed the after-credits shocker at the end of Metroid Prime, but nevertheless, if you played the first game, this disappointing sequel is your fault.
Because I don't like to lay into games right off the bat, let's start off with some things that I like about the game. It's still Samus, and Samus is still pretty darn cool. It's also still Metroid, and Metroid, despite having the kind of music that makes me want to curl up into the fetal position and cry, is pretty darn cool. Puzzle design: excellent. Art: completely sweet. Weapons: a little contrived, but honest to its predecessor and well executed. In fact, almost all of the things that earned Metroid Prime my "Greatest FPS of all Time" award are, in fact, in MP2:E. Which is why it is so painful to say that this sequel is not, at all, the greatest FPS sequel of all time.
That honor would have to go to Half Life 2, maybe Quake 2, maybe even Time Crisis 2. But now is not the time to be giving out awards to the heroes of bygone days (Hector would sweep the older brother awards); now is the time to severely critique the design of the game I am currently enduring the frustrations of.
Frustration 1: Difficulty. Difficulty in itself is not something to judge a game on. If it is too hard throughout, it's probably not designed for you. If it's too easy throughout, you are probably not the target audience. Difficulty deserves nothing more than a passing mention by a reviewer, used more to establish their own level of skill in case a reader wants to buy everything a reviewer likes/thinks is just right on the difficulty-meter.
But Echoes, oh Echoes. Echoes has badly designed difficulty. One of the first enemies that you meet in the game is the Lego version of the bugs from Starship Troopers. It is small, it is nearly unable to kill you. It takes 12 shots to kill.
TWELVE SHOTS.
This little bug thing takes almost as much damage as a metroid before breathing its last.
Also, every enemy has learned the magnificent skill of juking the z-targeting. So you get maybe 3 shots in before it's dodged to the left, and you're no longer locked onto it. Juking is not new to the genre. I firmly recall those big guys from Unreal dodging everything I shot at them. Heck, the Cyberdemon walked out of the way when I shot at him. That might have been random, but I missed a LOT. But you know what was different about those games? There was a way to MOVE SIDEWAYS.
There's a reason why the xbox and ps2 had 2 analog sticks. YOU NEED TWO STICKS TO AIM AT MOVING THINGS. Metroid Prime, realizing that it had but a single stick at its disposal, added the best part of the 3D Zelda games: Z-targeting. Echoes is the evil stepmother of Z-targeting, forcing it to clean the fireplace instead of going to the ball where it could make some handsome prince (me) very happy.
And I can guess why. It's right there on the main menu screen. Right next to options. It reads "Multiplayer." It is my firm belief that Metroid Prime didn't have multiplayer because of Z-targeting. Where's the fun or skill in clicking faster than your opponent? Echoes doesn't just make the enemies wise to z-targeting either. Targeting itself is ruined. You don't just have to be close to the enemy to lock on, you have to already be on it. And if you're off by the tiniest amount on the y-axis, hitting Z will just mess with your view, with no attempt at all to target something.
In Prime, I used to be able to walk into a room, hit Z and the fire button a bunch of times, and kill the shriekbats that flew from the ceiling. In Echoes, doing the same thing fires at the floor several times as shriekbats stab me in the face.
At least multiplayer will be skill-based. But I can't help but think that positioning and strategy would have made multiplayer fun even with z-targeting. Isn't the strategic element what makes rainbow six multiplayer, and gears of war multiplayer so much fun? Meh, I don't even know anymore.
But enough about that, here's the real problem: built-in-lag.
Who makes a game where the environment hurts you? Where you have to go stand in a certain spot for a minute and a half to regain your life after every 20-second fight?
And what the hell made them think that was a good thing to mix with loading-timed doors?
The doors in Prime were brilliant. There's no visible loading of new areas, because you have to wait for the doors to open. They don't open until the next room is loaded, but it's easy to believe that it's just an old door that needs to charge up some power to move (or something). I loved it.
But in echoes, while you're waiting, you're losing health. I literally DIED waiting for the door to open, because the door was around the corner from the nearest safe spot, and I didn't want to wait at the health spot, since I was returning to the light world anyway.
That probably made very little sense unless you've played the game.
Basically, if you loved Prime, and want to know what the hell was up with that hand thing, then you have to play Echoes. But it should have been called shadows, because it is a pale facsimile of Metroid Prime. Oh man that was clever, I love me.
Final Score: 2 plys.
Memorable quote: "I'm probably not going to finish this."
-s
Happy Valentine's Day
I've been in one of those serious relationship thingies for a few years now, but before that, I can't help but recall being blindingly single for a good 21 years. (If you can believe anyone whose prose is as devilishly handsome as mine would ever fly solo.)
In grade school, we did what I have to assume is the standard valentine's day thing: everyone brought valentines for everyone else, and we walked around the room in a circle, putting the Batman valentine in one envelope, the Superman valentine in another envelope, tossing the Venom valentine in the class bully's envelope because he would feel a kind of kinship with a soul-sucking alien, keeping the Hulk valentine for myself because it looked so cool.
I got zero girlfriends out of this yearly ritual, (maybe because I was thinking of the process as "getting" a girlfriend, and I've since learned that ladies tend not to like getting gotten) and with every passing annum I grew a little more disillusioned with the day celebrating Saint Valentine.
But despite a general lack of interest in the holiday, I never reached that plateau of loathing that so many other folks seem to. I can actually remember the first time someone told me that they hate Valentine's Day, and I was so taken aback that I stammered "why?" Turns out he was not in immediate possession of a special someone. I told them I didn't either, but not to get any ideas.
But really, hating V-Day because you're single is like hating Easter because you're an Atheist. (The eggs are pretty, but they're really a lot of work. Just ask that Faberge dude.) Or like hating National Talk Like a Pirate Day because you're a Ninja. It just doesn't make a lot of sense. Wishing that other people didn't care because you don't care is really kind of a bad policy.
Valentine himself, by the way, was a pretty run-of-the-mill martyr, dating back to 280 BC or so. He restored sight to a blind girl right before being beheaded by the Roman Emperor Claudius. The whole "be my valentine" thing was invented by Chaucer (rhymes with saucer) presumably because he had been gifted a stack of tiny paper hearts by a lady he didn't like, and had concocted a plan to turn them into a much more attractive girlfriend.
Hmm, this is getting kind of long. I think I'll just wrap it up now.
So if you're alone today, (as I am - the lady friend is in San Francisco while I languish in LA) don't scowl at everyone who's smiling and burn holes in every paper heart you see. Be like Chaucer instead, and make up a story to get people to like you.
Err, or, just celebrate love and life and stuff. That's what the day's about.
-s
In grade school, we did what I have to assume is the standard valentine's day thing: everyone brought valentines for everyone else, and we walked around the room in a circle, putting the Batman valentine in one envelope, the Superman valentine in another envelope, tossing the Venom valentine in the class bully's envelope because he would feel a kind of kinship with a soul-sucking alien, keeping the Hulk valentine for myself because it looked so cool.
I got zero girlfriends out of this yearly ritual, (maybe because I was thinking of the process as "getting" a girlfriend, and I've since learned that ladies tend not to like getting gotten) and with every passing annum I grew a little more disillusioned with the day celebrating Saint Valentine.
But despite a general lack of interest in the holiday, I never reached that plateau of loathing that so many other folks seem to. I can actually remember the first time someone told me that they hate Valentine's Day, and I was so taken aback that I stammered "why?" Turns out he was not in immediate possession of a special someone. I told them I didn't either, but not to get any ideas.
But really, hating V-Day because you're single is like hating Easter because you're an Atheist. (The eggs are pretty, but they're really a lot of work. Just ask that Faberge dude.) Or like hating National Talk Like a Pirate Day because you're a Ninja. It just doesn't make a lot of sense. Wishing that other people didn't care because you don't care is really kind of a bad policy.
Valentine himself, by the way, was a pretty run-of-the-mill martyr, dating back to 280 BC or so. He restored sight to a blind girl right before being beheaded by the Roman Emperor Claudius. The whole "be my valentine" thing was invented by Chaucer (rhymes with saucer) presumably because he had been gifted a stack of tiny paper hearts by a lady he didn't like, and had concocted a plan to turn them into a much more attractive girlfriend.
Hmm, this is getting kind of long. I think I'll just wrap it up now.
So if you're alone today, (as I am - the lady friend is in San Francisco while I languish in LA) don't scowl at everyone who's smiling and burn holes in every paper heart you see. Be like Chaucer instead, and make up a story to get people to like you.
Err, or, just celebrate love and life and stuff. That's what the day's about.
-s
Friday, February 9, 2007
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Bored...
I'm bored.
Do you ever get bored? I mean antsy, easily excitable, turning green and making disappointing movies bored?
I'm bored like that right now. And while I'm not about to freak out and kill the whole town, I am about to write a big long blog post about nothing in particular.
This time, it's going to be about humor.
I love puns. They're the purest form of wit. I could spend all day turning phrases and juxtaposing letters.
Puns, although so easy to revile, help us realize that everything about life is the tiniest fraction away from being hilarious. Language is civilization, and comedy is built into language at its most basic level. Maybe that's why people hate puns so much - it's tough to take yourself seriously when someone's standing there showing you that it's futile. And who doesn't want to take themselves seriously now and again? Especially when civilization is concerned.
I love double entendres. When I'm in an actual conversation with you, I'm going to interrupt you with another one several times a minute. Why? Well because let's be honest here: if your mom didn't say it last night, it's probably not worth saying.
Double entendres are really the sirens of the comedy world. They're soooo easy. But as soon as you start to rely on them, BAM! They drag you down into the sea. It's impossible to get away. They cling to your neurons like (aptly named) silly putty. Pretty soon, everything anyone says is being retrofitted in your brain, and when you start laughing they ask what's so funny. You either admit that you've added "in my pants" to their statement about their daughter going off to college, or come up with something on the spot that is not only equally funny, but less terrifically inappropriate. (Hmm, that last one might not have been an accurate example. If anyone can tell me what "in my pants" jokes are called, please do. Hopefully they're not just "jokes". That'd be kind of sad.)
I love irony. Irony is typing something into your blog, and having the automatic spell-checker tell you that "blog" is not a word. It says "view blog" at the top of the screen! Why isn't there a little red line under that one? Maybe only large multinational corporations are allowed to use fake words. Maybe it's an oversight. Maybe it's... ironic. "Hmm" is also not a word, even though I find myself saying it frequently, even in text. I'm probably just more reflective than the computer. Probably the anti-glare monitor. (Buh-dum-bum! Man, it is just Raining puns today!)
Coincidentally, this is the first time (!) that anyone has ever uploaded the phrase "it is just raining puns" onto the internet. Seriously. Check Google. I hope you can appreciate the momentousness of this occasion.
And that's about enough to unbore me for the day. (Unbore: also not a word. Debore maybe? Nope. Oh well.) Catch you all later.
-s
Do you ever get bored? I mean antsy, easily excitable, turning green and making disappointing movies bored?
I'm bored like that right now. And while I'm not about to freak out and kill the whole town, I am about to write a big long blog post about nothing in particular.
This time, it's going to be about humor.
I love puns. They're the purest form of wit. I could spend all day turning phrases and juxtaposing letters.
Puns, although so easy to revile, help us realize that everything about life is the tiniest fraction away from being hilarious. Language is civilization, and comedy is built into language at its most basic level. Maybe that's why people hate puns so much - it's tough to take yourself seriously when someone's standing there showing you that it's futile. And who doesn't want to take themselves seriously now and again? Especially when civilization is concerned.
I love double entendres. When I'm in an actual conversation with you, I'm going to interrupt you with another one several times a minute. Why? Well because let's be honest here: if your mom didn't say it last night, it's probably not worth saying.
Double entendres are really the sirens of the comedy world. They're soooo easy. But as soon as you start to rely on them, BAM! They drag you down into the sea. It's impossible to get away. They cling to your neurons like (aptly named) silly putty. Pretty soon, everything anyone says is being retrofitted in your brain, and when you start laughing they ask what's so funny. You either admit that you've added "in my pants" to their statement about their daughter going off to college, or come up with something on the spot that is not only equally funny, but less terrifically inappropriate. (Hmm, that last one might not have been an accurate example. If anyone can tell me what "in my pants" jokes are called, please do. Hopefully they're not just "jokes". That'd be kind of sad.)
I love irony. Irony is typing something into your blog, and having the automatic spell-checker tell you that "blog" is not a word. It says "view blog" at the top of the screen! Why isn't there a little red line under that one? Maybe only large multinational corporations are allowed to use fake words. Maybe it's an oversight. Maybe it's... ironic. "Hmm" is also not a word, even though I find myself saying it frequently, even in text. I'm probably just more reflective than the computer. Probably the anti-glare monitor. (Buh-dum-bum! Man, it is just Raining puns today!)
Coincidentally, this is the first time (!) that anyone has ever uploaded the phrase "it is just raining puns" onto the internet. Seriously. Check Google. I hope you can appreciate the momentousness of this occasion.
And that's about enough to unbore me for the day. (Unbore: also not a word. Debore maybe? Nope. Oh well.) Catch you all later.
-s
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
3 projects and counting
Ok, here's the deal: I've currently got 3 projects going on.
I'm still designing the Oblivion Mod. That's going quite well at the moment - only one more main character worth of dialogue, then finishing the maps and putting together the flowchart. That should be about it. I'll post more when it's done. If someone out there wants to actually build the thing, drop me a line.
Project 2 is what I like to call "Evil Katamari Damacy." I always felt that it was kind of cruel the way you just swept up cute animals, children, and whole cities in that game, so I'm working on an asteroid version of that, except you're supposed to feel pretty bad about consuming planets full of people. Also it has the space thing going for it, so that's a plus. Everyone loves space. Hopefully this guy I know from college will be interested in helping build it. It's 3D and a largely gravity-based game, so I could definitely use some help.
Third is the webgame. If www.infowars.com wasn't already taken, I'd probably be calling it that, so instead I'm calling it Darknet. It's effectively a cross between the topic of Uplink with the web-based gameplay of Kingdom of Loathing. Do yourself a favor, and play both of these - there's a free demo for the former, and the latter is super free. They're models of their genres. (Not at all cheapened by the fact that they may be the only games in their genres.) This one I'm hoping to convince a former co-worker to help me design and build. I think the premise has potential, but it might get... complicated... along the way. I'll definitely need to make some math.
Oh yeah, and I'm doing some editing work for a friend's database of stuff. But that's a side-side project, so it doesn't count. :)
-s
I'm still designing the Oblivion Mod. That's going quite well at the moment - only one more main character worth of dialogue, then finishing the maps and putting together the flowchart. That should be about it. I'll post more when it's done. If someone out there wants to actually build the thing, drop me a line.
Project 2 is what I like to call "Evil Katamari Damacy." I always felt that it was kind of cruel the way you just swept up cute animals, children, and whole cities in that game, so I'm working on an asteroid version of that, except you're supposed to feel pretty bad about consuming planets full of people. Also it has the space thing going for it, so that's a plus. Everyone loves space. Hopefully this guy I know from college will be interested in helping build it. It's 3D and a largely gravity-based game, so I could definitely use some help.
Third is the webgame. If www.infowars.com wasn't already taken, I'd probably be calling it that, so instead I'm calling it Darknet. It's effectively a cross between the topic of Uplink with the web-based gameplay of Kingdom of Loathing. Do yourself a favor, and play both of these - there's a free demo for the former, and the latter is super free. They're models of their genres. (Not at all cheapened by the fact that they may be the only games in their genres.) This one I'm hoping to convince a former co-worker to help me design and build. I think the premise has potential, but it might get... complicated... along the way. I'll definitely need to make some math.
Oh yeah, and I'm doing some editing work for a friend's database of stuff. But that's a side-side project, so it doesn't count. :)
-s
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